Lesson 3: Perspective: manage your mind
Now that you understand some basics, you'll begin your transformation into a self-affirming individual with a closer examination of the first element of the LifePACT model: perspective. We'll also touch on the second element of autonomy.
Managing your mind with good habits
Habits can be useful. When you operate habitually, you need to be only half-focusing on what you are doing because your habits are doing the other half of the thinking. When they yield good consequences, they are called good habits. Washing your hands before eating -- that's a good practice. But if you do it every two minutes, you have a bad habit.
Habits fall into two categories: Public habits are behaviors that are visible to others while private habits are habits of thought. Perspective is the LifePACT principle of managing stress by directing your private habits of thought and expectation. Your private thoughts play such a key part in day-to-day stresses that they are actually a better predictor of the amount of stress something will elicit than the actual stressful events themselves.
Making false readings
What this means is that much of the stress you experience is the direct result of losing perspective, or putting an irrational spin on what is happening in your life. If you are experiencing a lot of stress, chances are very good that you have cultivated private habits of thought that are making your life more hassled than it is has to be. Irrational patterns of thinking are so common that psychologists have come up with names for them all of us can recognize, including " overgeneralizing ," " catastrophizing ," "jumping to conclusions," and "pleasing others." We'll take a closer look at these bad habits in this lesson's assignment.
Imagine that your thoughts are like the dials on the dashboard of your car. If the temperature gauge registers that your car is overheating, you are going to pull over as soon as you can to have it checked. If the oil light goes on, you'll do something right away to ensure no serious damage is done. So you take it in and the mechanic tells you, "Your car is fine. I think that gauge needs replacing because it's giving you a false reading."
The same can be true of your mind. To gain perspective, you'll need to replace bad habits of thinking with more constructive habits. While going through the initial stages of this process, you may not have the presence of mind to stop an irrational thought before it has elicited in you a stressful reaction. You'll probably find yourself doing more cleaning up after the damage has been done rather than preventing it from happening.
But you will also become aware of the negative feelings and habits, and you can use this awareness as a signal to hunt out and replace destructive thoughts with more constructive thoughts. And, as your skill level with this technique grows, you'll be able to nip crooked thoughts in the bud. Let's now see how we can begin to master our private thoughts and habits.
Getting swept away by it all
Why do we allow our thoughts to sweep us away? What you see happening is the force of habit. Your thoughts are automatic. They pass through your mind so quickly that you may not even be aware that anything took place. You are aware, however, of the debris of negative feelings and behavior they leave in their wake. Think about a recent stressful event. Can you identify any bad habits that arose in your reaction?
Getting perspective
While unforeseen accidents are likely to happen, rather than panicking and making the situation worse, you can protect yourself with services that will help you get back on your feet as soon as possible
Mastering your thoughts
I recommend the following four steps for gaining control of a situation in which your private thoughts are likely to give you false readings:
Step #1: What am I telling myself?
As soon as you find yourself getting tense, stop and reflect on what your thoughts are telling you about the situation. The best way to do this is to take out a piece of paper and start jotting down all the ideas that come to mind.
Step #2: Is my self-talk helping?
Seriously consider whether the way you are sizing up a situation is really constructive or destructive. In other words, what are you gaining and losing in looking at things in your habitual way?
Step #3: What constructive thoughts can I use in place of my negative thoughts?
In this step, you are inviting other perspectives into your mind. It helps at this point to label your irrational thoughts. Are you making a mountain out of a molehill? Ask yourself if things are really all that bad, and answer truthfully. Jumping to conclusions? Offer yourself some alternative explanations for what has happened.
Step #4: How can I behave in a way that is consistent with these positive thoughts?
This final step is a powerful way to regain composure. In effect, act like you want to feel. If you want to feel calm and composed, act like a calm and composed person. Your body will be getting the message to maintain control from two sources: Your well-reasoned thoughts about the situation and the signals from your behavior that everything is under control.
Let's look at how you can apply these four steps to an actual stressful situation.
Applying these steps
Let's put ourselves in Gayle's shoes. She's been on a diet for several months. Lately it hasn't gone very well, and she has exceeded her calorie limit more than a couple of times. Gayle suspects that the culprit (trigger) is her fear that she will not meet her weight loss goal by the time she takes the vacation she has been planning for months. Gayle wants to turn off this mounting pressure, but doesn't know how.
What would do if you were Gayle?
Step #1: What am I telling myself? "If you don't start losing weight faster, you won't be thin enough for your trip to Hawaii and everything will be ruined."
Step #2: Is my self-talk helping? Definitely not. This pressure is making me feel anxious, which means I eat more. I'm seeing myself as a failure. And I'm getting irritable with my kids, which is unfair. Pressuring myself is making me gain weight, not lose it.
Step #3: What constructive thoughts can I use in place of my negative thoughts? I will allow myself to take my time. Even if I go to Hawaii at this weight, I'll still have fun. I'll start losing weight again anyway. I shouldn't catastrophize because it's not the end of the world.
Step #4: How can I now behave in a way that is consistent with these positive thoughts? You know what, since this self-punishment is very depressing and counterproductive, I'm going to take a nice long walk tonight. Plus, I'll do something for myself tomorrow by buying that nice sweater I've been eyeing.
Progressing through your thoughts in a logical manner is a very powerful technique, and you'll find that it plays a major role in managing stress. Because your thoughts help define your perspective (that is, your external actions and internal reactions), it is important to take note of inaccurate or unreasonable thoughts that may contribute to stress. Awareness of what you are saying to yourself and why is important in stopping the stress that is manufactured by irrational thoughts. Equally important is your skill in countering self-defeating thoughts with more constructive rebuttals.
These four steps will help you achieve this goal. So will the LifePACT model's second principle, autonomy, which we'll introduce next before discussing it in greater depth in Lesson 4.
Feeding yourself positive thoughts
Your irrational thoughts and their impact on your stress response are better controlled when they are caught early. Let them go unchecked and you will find yourself overwhelmed with intense feelings that are disproportionate to the event that you are responding to. You are what you think. Feed yourself positive thoughts and you will be a positive person
Introducing the second LifePACT principle
When you accept that problems and frustrations and disappointments are inevitable in this world, then life becomes more enjoyable. By practicing the second LifePACT principle, Autonomy, and replacing "Why is this happening to me?" with "What can I do about what is happening to me?" you will move from feeling victimized by life to taking charge of your life.
We saw earlier that perspective is developing constructive habits in the private behaviors of our thoughts. Autonomy is developing habits in the public behaviors of problem solving and action. The first step toward achieving autonomy is recognizing that there are only two ways in which life can be stressful: When you don't get what you want, and when you get what you don't want.
A quick example
Let's say that Bob's boss gave him a really great performance appraisal session last month. Bob was also led to expect a six-percent salary increase, and he had begun to plan on it. He opens up his salary statement expecting to see the increase but there is no increase. Obviously Bob didn't get what he wanted, but how does he react?
Depending on the spin or perspective Bob puts on this event, his private thoughts and feelings can range from mild disappointment to outrage. But in and of themselves, these thoughts and feelings will change nothing. The basic fact of the situation remains: He didn't get the raise. That's a problem. What should Bob do? Should he accept this reality without question? Should he appeal? Should he seek more information? What's Bob's next step?
When you start asking yourself these questions, you begin to invoke the principle of autonomy. In other words, you are on the way to becoming a problem solver.
Making autonomous decisions
Finding a suitable life partner, for instance, is an important developmental task. There are two correct decisions you can make: You can either choose the right person or you can not choose the wrong person. Likewise, there are two ways of making a mistake: You can choose the wrong person or you can not choose the right person.
I am oversimplifying things, of course. Relationship success is more than a single decision. The point is that every act of problem solving is basically choosing a course of action. There are things you can change even though you think you can't. There are things you can't change, even though you think you can. Competent problem solving is being able to distinguish between things that can be fixed and those things that are out of your control. Let's take a look at another example.
Jake arrives at work completely worn out. Last night, his next-door neighbor had a wild, drunken party at his house, keeping him up all night. The neighbor is a blustering, disagreeable man who has no consideration for others. When Jake called him at about 3:00 a.m. and asked him to be less noisy, the neighbor was abusive and insulting. Things quieted down later on, but when Jake finally got some rest, he overslept. Because of this, he skips breakfast and hurries to work.
As he is leaving the house he notices that someone has driven a car across one corner of his lawn and torn out several feet of his new hedge. Jake is sure it was either the neighbor or one of his drunken guests. Jake storms up to the neighbor's door and demands an explanation. The neighbor denies everything and then tells Jake to get off his property. When Jake gets to work, he is more than an hour late, and his nerves are so ragged he is actually shaking. Every conceivable thing has gone wrong.
To evaluate the quality of problem solving exhibited by Jake in this slice of his life, let's consider the problems he chose to deal with and those he chose not to deal with:
Jake chose to confront the neighbor at 3:00 am. Was that a good decision? We know the neighbor is a "blustering, disagreeable man who has no consideration for others." There's little surprise in the outcome of that confrontation. On the other hand, instead of taking steps to wake up on time, Jake oversleeps. What's more, he could have eaten, but he chose to skip breakfast. So, now, stressed about being late and, on an empty stomach, he makes another run at the neighbor.
Based on this example, Jake is not a competent problem solver.
Moving forward
As you now know, perspective is the LifePACT principle of managing stress by directing your private habits of thought and expectation. Much of the stress you experience is the direct result of losing perspective, or putting an irrational spin, on what is happening in your life. By following the four steps we discussed above, you'll be able to gain control of a situation in which your private thoughts are likely to give you false readings that only lead to unhealthy levels of stress.
We were also introduced to autonomy, which is developing habits in the public behaviors of problem solving and action. In the next lesson, we'll take a closer look at this LifePACT principle, including rehearsing to avoid negative reactions and recognizing then stopping procrastination
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Monday, March 8, 2010
Lesson 2: The LifePACT model of stress management
Stress cannot and should not be eliminated from your life entirely. This lesson dispels some of the myths surrounding stress as well as reinforces some of the truths. You'll also learn how the LifePACT model can help you manage stressful situations.
The myths and facts of stress management
You now know that stress can be your best friend or your worst enemy, depending on the situation and your ability to cope with it. Stress cannot and should not be eliminated from your life entirely. By first recognizing the external hassle and then analyzing the anatomy, or structure, of the stressful event, you'll soon be able to regulate your behavior so that you don't overreact. The key to this trick is managing and matching your stress response to the demands of the situation, a skill that can only be sharpened with practice.
In today's lesson you'll be introduced to the LifePACT model. Understanding all of the basic techniques of managing stress that are incorporated into this model will help you define your principles for lifestyle management, enabling you to maximize the benefits of stress while mitigating its costs.
Myths
First, let's take time to dispel the myths surrounding stress management before reinforcing some relevant facts.
Myth #1: only high-level executives, law enforcement personnel, and air traffic controllers experience high levels of stress
Although this is untrue, some professions are accompanied by more stressful demands than other professions. I know a person who's been knocked unconscious on the job three times. On several occasions he has had injuries to his back serious enough to require medical attention. He's had his ribs broken three different times. Generally, his body is covered with bruises. What do you think he does for a living? Do you think he's a rodeo rider, stuntman, or wrestler? No, he's a self-defense instructor who teaches women how to protect themselves against physical assault.
Every profession carries its own burden of stress. Even in high-pressure jobs, it's surprising what people find stressful. For instance, you'd think the most stressful aspect of being an air traffic controller is keeping airplanes from crashing. But that's not the case. Surveys with these professionals have revealed that what they find most stressful are mundane things like dealing with management and bureaucracy.
And I know from the work I've done with emergency room nurses, who negotiate life-and-death issues every day, that what stresses them is not keeping the patient alive. They feel quite confident in that arena. The things driving them crazy are the conflicts they're having with another nurse or a particular surgeon. As you can see, every job presents its own set of stressful demands and no occupation is exempt.
Myth #2: stress is inescapable
This is also not entirely true. Some stressors are indeed inescapable. We saw earlier the wide variety of hassles that you and everyone else faces each and every day. While you can't get rid of all of these, you might be able to eliminate some of them. You could, for instance, quit a job that is overly demanding. You could end a friendship that you feel is no longer bringing you any joy. Or you could confront a colleague who's rubbing you the wrong way.
It's a good idea to try and eliminate stressors from your life. But trying to eliminate all stressors from your life is futile, and could become the biggest stressor of them all. A better approach is to learn to moderate your response to different stressors. You don't have to allow the intensity of your stress reaction go unchecked. In this sense stress, although inescapable, is manageable.
Myth #3: it is never a good idea to use drugs to deal with stress
Although it is never a good idea to misuse or abuse drugs, the above is not true. Getting high and getting drunk, making yourself comfortably numb -- these are not constructive ways of coping with stress. On the other hand, there are many people performing quite effectively in society who owe their ability to face life to prescribed medications.
The problem of drug abuse has preoccupied our society for decades. It's no wonder that many people distrust drugs. Because of this, they hold off seeking the support they might gain from prescribed medications. Extreme shyness, anxiety, depression, and other disorders due to chemical imbalances in the brain respond very well to drugs.
In fact, millions of people are able to function professionally and find fulfillment in their lives because they take prescription medication. While some people develop a dependency on prescription drugs, the majority of people on medication are not abusing the drugs they take. Don't rule out chemical intervention. It may be the responsible thing for you to do, even if only for a short period of time.
Facts
And now, some facts about stress.
Fact #1: work stress can affect your home life
This is very true. Wouldn't it be great if you could walk out of your office, get in your car, and drive home to your family and loved ones without carrying any baggage from your work day? It's the rare person who can leave the office behind. You may take home an empty briefcase on occasion, but your mind and your heart are full of the day's events. Memories of these events echo in your mind as you go back and forth between the domain of your work life to your personal life.
Stress contamination can work in the other direction as well. You can take the stress you have at home into your business life. Right before putting your child on the school bus, she throws a tantrum over her tennis shoes. Or someone pulls up next to your car and yells an obscenity or slur at you. These events can cause stressful feelings that linger with you through the workday. Keeping the stress from one domain of life from infiltrating another domain is a skill that we will discuss more fully later in the course.
Fact #2: stress can radically affect your behavior
This is also true. I teach a course on anger management for people charged with misdemeanor assault. I know from the stories I hear that the stress of anger can drive people to outrageous extremes of behavior. The story of one participant in that class stands out in my mind. He lost his temper with another player in a pool game. Eight different times he went to the cue stick rack, grabbed a cue stick and broke it over the head of the other person. Eight times! That's a lot of cue sticks.
It's a sad commentary on our times that workplace violence is becoming a regular occurrence. Violence has moved into our schools, as we all witnessed in the Columbine High School tragedy. These are examples of people driven to desperation by high levels of stress.
Intense stress can be directed to acts of heroism as well. You may have read of superhuman feats of strength performed by people in crisis situations. A mother was working in her kitchen when she heard the crash of her son's car slipping off the jack, pinning her son under the car. Remarkably, she was able to lift the back of the car high enough to allow her son to squirm out. She saved her son's life. More precisely, stress energized her to save her son's life.
Always keep in mind that stress is a powerful force that can be directed to acts of evil or great gestures of benevolence.
Fact #3: stress management is a learnable skill
No matter how much stress you are under today, no matter how long you have struggled with anger, depression, worry or other forms of stress, you can learn to take charge of your stress. Managing stress does not mean eliminating stress. Stress can be a good thing. It becomes a bad thing when you have too much of it, when it's too intense, or when it lasts too long.
Take home just the work, not the stress
Reduce your work stress by getting out of the office. With a high performance HP notebook PC, you can avoid those long hours at work by getting some of it done at home.
Beginning to manage your stress
The advice found in stress management books can generally be summarized into five basic categories. During this discussion, think about which technique or combination of techniques has the potential to manage your stress response the most effectively.
1. Get away
These methods of stress management involve removing yourself from the circumstances that are causing you stress. You can do this in a number of ways. You can leave the scene for a while (nap, take a walk, take a breather, take a day off) or end a relationship. You can even change jobs, schools, or where you live. The decision is entirely up to you.
2. Change how you relate to the stressor
If you can't get away from what's stressing you out, there is an array of things you can do to manipulate your initial response. Learn more effective behaviors through professional counseling. Become more assertive. Be more honest and candid, and learn to say no. Increase your understanding and empathy by being less critical of yourself and others. Change negative self-talk. Stop irrational patterns of thought like catastrophizing, jumping to conclusions, or thinking in black-and-white terms. Set realistic goals for yourself.
3. Change the stressor
This approach to dealing with stress amounts to approaching the problem by asking yourself, "Do I have any control over the situation?" If the answer is yes, do what you can to change the situation. It may be that what you thought was out of your control may not be. Or perhaps you can't change the entire situation but you can change some parts of it.
4. Accept the stressor
This is a powerful philosophical technique. Essentially it involves resigning yourself to the fact that some things cannot be changed. Life is not always fair. Even the difficult things in life have value as opportunities for developing a greater tolerance for frustration.
5. Work on building stress tolerance
The point of this fifth category of stress management is building up stress stamina. Such techniques are particularly useful when you're faced with a stressor that won't go away and that you can't change. Your goal is to build your emotional and physiological resilience. Here are some things that can help do that: Get enough sleep and exercise, set aside a time for daily relaxation, talk out your problems, develop tolerance and patience, maintain a strong support group of family and friends, and watch what you eat.
By stepping back and taking stock of all these techniques, you will likely realize that you are not alone in facing the stresses of life. Everyone deals with stressful situations in their own way, and only you can decide which method works best for you. Right now, I want you to make a pact with yourself to take charge of your life. And, in order to help you achieve that goal, I would like to introduce you to LifePACT, a method that has proven to reduce unhealthy levels of stress.
Finding the right combination
Now you know that there are five different ways individuals can respond to stress. Which technique or combination of techniques has proven to work best for you in the past? Which technique or techniques have led to more problems or confusion in your life? Why? Go to the Message Board and discuss your answers with your classmates.
Introducing LifePACT
The acronym PACT represents all you need to know and do in order to master the management of stress. The four principles in the LifePACT model encompass all the stress-management techniques listed above. In addition, the model presents these to you in a user-friendly way that makes understanding each principle much easier. It also narrows your choices so that you'll actually apply the principles to stress you encounter rather than just thinking about it. I will briefly introduce here each principle and then elaborate on them in the next four lessons.
1. The P stands for perspective
Perspective is the skill of managing your head. By mastering the habits of constructive thinking, you'll find that you can size up situations in a much more rational way. This principle will also allow you to determine, for each hassle you encounter, which technique or combination of techniques has the potential to manage your stress response the most effectively.
2. The A stands for autonomy
Autonomy is the skill of "managing your hands." To manage your hands is to be judicious in what habits you pick up, what responsibilities you take on, and what thoughts or emotions you hold on to. Most importantly, autonomy allows you to let go of whatever's bothering you.
3. The C stands for connectedness
Connectedness is the skill of managing your heart. We are all related. We have survived to this point in our evolutionary history primarily because we have banded together as individuals. To manage your heart is to manage your place in the community of fellow humans with whom you live out your life.
4. The T stands for tone Tone is the skill of managing body and spirit. To manage your body is to cultivate habits of care and attention to your physiological makeup. To manage your spirit is to nurture your soul.
The myths and facts of stress management
You now know that stress can be your best friend or your worst enemy, depending on the situation and your ability to cope with it. Stress cannot and should not be eliminated from your life entirely. By first recognizing the external hassle and then analyzing the anatomy, or structure, of the stressful event, you'll soon be able to regulate your behavior so that you don't overreact. The key to this trick is managing and matching your stress response to the demands of the situation, a skill that can only be sharpened with practice.
In today's lesson you'll be introduced to the LifePACT model. Understanding all of the basic techniques of managing stress that are incorporated into this model will help you define your principles for lifestyle management, enabling you to maximize the benefits of stress while mitigating its costs.
Myths
First, let's take time to dispel the myths surrounding stress management before reinforcing some relevant facts.
Myth #1: only high-level executives, law enforcement personnel, and air traffic controllers experience high levels of stress
Although this is untrue, some professions are accompanied by more stressful demands than other professions. I know a person who's been knocked unconscious on the job three times. On several occasions he has had injuries to his back serious enough to require medical attention. He's had his ribs broken three different times. Generally, his body is covered with bruises. What do you think he does for a living? Do you think he's a rodeo rider, stuntman, or wrestler? No, he's a self-defense instructor who teaches women how to protect themselves against physical assault.
Every profession carries its own burden of stress. Even in high-pressure jobs, it's surprising what people find stressful. For instance, you'd think the most stressful aspect of being an air traffic controller is keeping airplanes from crashing. But that's not the case. Surveys with these professionals have revealed that what they find most stressful are mundane things like dealing with management and bureaucracy.
And I know from the work I've done with emergency room nurses, who negotiate life-and-death issues every day, that what stresses them is not keeping the patient alive. They feel quite confident in that arena. The things driving them crazy are the conflicts they're having with another nurse or a particular surgeon. As you can see, every job presents its own set of stressful demands and no occupation is exempt.
Myth #2: stress is inescapable
This is also not entirely true. Some stressors are indeed inescapable. We saw earlier the wide variety of hassles that you and everyone else faces each and every day. While you can't get rid of all of these, you might be able to eliminate some of them. You could, for instance, quit a job that is overly demanding. You could end a friendship that you feel is no longer bringing you any joy. Or you could confront a colleague who's rubbing you the wrong way.
It's a good idea to try and eliminate stressors from your life. But trying to eliminate all stressors from your life is futile, and could become the biggest stressor of them all. A better approach is to learn to moderate your response to different stressors. You don't have to allow the intensity of your stress reaction go unchecked. In this sense stress, although inescapable, is manageable.
Myth #3: it is never a good idea to use drugs to deal with stress
Although it is never a good idea to misuse or abuse drugs, the above is not true. Getting high and getting drunk, making yourself comfortably numb -- these are not constructive ways of coping with stress. On the other hand, there are many people performing quite effectively in society who owe their ability to face life to prescribed medications.
The problem of drug abuse has preoccupied our society for decades. It's no wonder that many people distrust drugs. Because of this, they hold off seeking the support they might gain from prescribed medications. Extreme shyness, anxiety, depression, and other disorders due to chemical imbalances in the brain respond very well to drugs.
In fact, millions of people are able to function professionally and find fulfillment in their lives because they take prescription medication. While some people develop a dependency on prescription drugs, the majority of people on medication are not abusing the drugs they take. Don't rule out chemical intervention. It may be the responsible thing for you to do, even if only for a short period of time.
Facts
And now, some facts about stress.
Fact #1: work stress can affect your home life
This is very true. Wouldn't it be great if you could walk out of your office, get in your car, and drive home to your family and loved ones without carrying any baggage from your work day? It's the rare person who can leave the office behind. You may take home an empty briefcase on occasion, but your mind and your heart are full of the day's events. Memories of these events echo in your mind as you go back and forth between the domain of your work life to your personal life.
Stress contamination can work in the other direction as well. You can take the stress you have at home into your business life. Right before putting your child on the school bus, she throws a tantrum over her tennis shoes. Or someone pulls up next to your car and yells an obscenity or slur at you. These events can cause stressful feelings that linger with you through the workday. Keeping the stress from one domain of life from infiltrating another domain is a skill that we will discuss more fully later in the course.
Fact #2: stress can radically affect your behavior
This is also true. I teach a course on anger management for people charged with misdemeanor assault. I know from the stories I hear that the stress of anger can drive people to outrageous extremes of behavior. The story of one participant in that class stands out in my mind. He lost his temper with another player in a pool game. Eight different times he went to the cue stick rack, grabbed a cue stick and broke it over the head of the other person. Eight times! That's a lot of cue sticks.
It's a sad commentary on our times that workplace violence is becoming a regular occurrence. Violence has moved into our schools, as we all witnessed in the Columbine High School tragedy. These are examples of people driven to desperation by high levels of stress.
Intense stress can be directed to acts of heroism as well. You may have read of superhuman feats of strength performed by people in crisis situations. A mother was working in her kitchen when she heard the crash of her son's car slipping off the jack, pinning her son under the car. Remarkably, she was able to lift the back of the car high enough to allow her son to squirm out. She saved her son's life. More precisely, stress energized her to save her son's life.
Always keep in mind that stress is a powerful force that can be directed to acts of evil or great gestures of benevolence.
Fact #3: stress management is a learnable skill
No matter how much stress you are under today, no matter how long you have struggled with anger, depression, worry or other forms of stress, you can learn to take charge of your stress. Managing stress does not mean eliminating stress. Stress can be a good thing. It becomes a bad thing when you have too much of it, when it's too intense, or when it lasts too long.
Take home just the work, not the stress
Reduce your work stress by getting out of the office. With a high performance HP notebook PC, you can avoid those long hours at work by getting some of it done at home.
Beginning to manage your stress
The advice found in stress management books can generally be summarized into five basic categories. During this discussion, think about which technique or combination of techniques has the potential to manage your stress response the most effectively.
1. Get away
These methods of stress management involve removing yourself from the circumstances that are causing you stress. You can do this in a number of ways. You can leave the scene for a while (nap, take a walk, take a breather, take a day off) or end a relationship. You can even change jobs, schools, or where you live. The decision is entirely up to you.
2. Change how you relate to the stressor
If you can't get away from what's stressing you out, there is an array of things you can do to manipulate your initial response. Learn more effective behaviors through professional counseling. Become more assertive. Be more honest and candid, and learn to say no. Increase your understanding and empathy by being less critical of yourself and others. Change negative self-talk. Stop irrational patterns of thought like catastrophizing, jumping to conclusions, or thinking in black-and-white terms. Set realistic goals for yourself.
3. Change the stressor
This approach to dealing with stress amounts to approaching the problem by asking yourself, "Do I have any control over the situation?" If the answer is yes, do what you can to change the situation. It may be that what you thought was out of your control may not be. Or perhaps you can't change the entire situation but you can change some parts of it.
4. Accept the stressor
This is a powerful philosophical technique. Essentially it involves resigning yourself to the fact that some things cannot be changed. Life is not always fair. Even the difficult things in life have value as opportunities for developing a greater tolerance for frustration.
5. Work on building stress tolerance
The point of this fifth category of stress management is building up stress stamina. Such techniques are particularly useful when you're faced with a stressor that won't go away and that you can't change. Your goal is to build your emotional and physiological resilience. Here are some things that can help do that: Get enough sleep and exercise, set aside a time for daily relaxation, talk out your problems, develop tolerance and patience, maintain a strong support group of family and friends, and watch what you eat.
By stepping back and taking stock of all these techniques, you will likely realize that you are not alone in facing the stresses of life. Everyone deals with stressful situations in their own way, and only you can decide which method works best for you. Right now, I want you to make a pact with yourself to take charge of your life. And, in order to help you achieve that goal, I would like to introduce you to LifePACT, a method that has proven to reduce unhealthy levels of stress.
Finding the right combination
Now you know that there are five different ways individuals can respond to stress. Which technique or combination of techniques has proven to work best for you in the past? Which technique or techniques have led to more problems or confusion in your life? Why? Go to the Message Board and discuss your answers with your classmates.
Introducing LifePACT
The acronym PACT represents all you need to know and do in order to master the management of stress. The four principles in the LifePACT model encompass all the stress-management techniques listed above. In addition, the model presents these to you in a user-friendly way that makes understanding each principle much easier. It also narrows your choices so that you'll actually apply the principles to stress you encounter rather than just thinking about it. I will briefly introduce here each principle and then elaborate on them in the next four lessons.
1. The P stands for perspective
Perspective is the skill of managing your head. By mastering the habits of constructive thinking, you'll find that you can size up situations in a much more rational way. This principle will also allow you to determine, for each hassle you encounter, which technique or combination of techniques has the potential to manage your stress response the most effectively.
2. The A stands for autonomy
Autonomy is the skill of "managing your hands." To manage your hands is to be judicious in what habits you pick up, what responsibilities you take on, and what thoughts or emotions you hold on to. Most importantly, autonomy allows you to let go of whatever's bothering you.
3. The C stands for connectedness
Connectedness is the skill of managing your heart. We are all related. We have survived to this point in our evolutionary history primarily because we have banded together as individuals. To manage your heart is to manage your place in the community of fellow humans with whom you live out your life.
4. The T stands for tone Tone is the skill of managing body and spirit. To manage your body is to cultivate habits of care and attention to your physiological makeup. To manage your spirit is to nurture your soul.
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