Lesson 2: The LifePACT model of stress management

Stress cannot and should not be eliminated from your life entirely. This lesson dispels some of the myths surrounding stress as well as reinforces some of the truths. You'll also learn how the LifePACT model can help you manage stressful situations.


The myths and facts of stress management

You now know that stress can be your best friend or your worst enemy, depending on the situation and your ability to cope with it. Stress cannot and should not be eliminated from your life entirely. By first recognizing the external hassle and then analyzing the anatomy, or structure, of the stressful event, you'll soon be able to regulate your behavior so that you don't overreact. The key to this trick is managing and matching your stress response to the demands of the situation, a skill that can only be sharpened with practice.

In today's lesson you'll be introduced to the LifePACT model. Understanding all of the basic techniques of managing stress that are incorporated into this model will help you define your principles for lifestyle management, enabling you to maximize the benefits of stress while mitigating its costs.

Myths

First, let's take time to dispel the myths surrounding stress management before reinforcing some relevant facts.

Myth #1: only high-level executives, law enforcement personnel, and air traffic controllers experience high levels of stress

Although this is untrue, some professions are accompanied by more stressful demands than other professions. I know a person who's been knocked unconscious on the job three times. On several occasions he has had injuries to his back serious enough to require medical attention. He's had his ribs broken three different times. Generally, his body is covered with bruises. What do you think he does for a living? Do you think he's a rodeo rider, stuntman, or wrestler? No, he's a self-defense instructor who teaches women how to protect themselves against physical assault.

Every profession carries its own burden of stress. Even in high-pressure jobs, it's surprising what people find stressful. For instance, you'd think the most stressful aspect of being an air traffic controller is keeping airplanes from crashing. But that's not the case. Surveys with these professionals have revealed that what they find most stressful are mundane things like dealing with management and bureaucracy.

And I know from the work I've done with emergency room nurses, who negotiate life-and-death issues every day, that what stresses them is not keeping the patient alive. They feel quite confident in that arena. The things driving them crazy are the conflicts they're having with another nurse or a particular surgeon. As you can see, every job presents its own set of stressful demands and no occupation is exempt.

Myth #2: stress is inescapable

This is also not entirely true. Some stressors are indeed inescapable. We saw earlier the wide variety of hassles that you and everyone else faces each and every day. While you can't get rid of all of these, you might be able to eliminate some of them. You could, for instance, quit a job that is overly demanding. You could end a friendship that you feel is no longer bringing you any joy. Or you could confront a colleague who's rubbing you the wrong way.

It's a good idea to try and eliminate stressors from your life. But trying to eliminate all stressors from your life is futile, and could become the biggest stressor of them all. A better approach is to learn to moderate your response to different stressors. You don't have to allow the intensity of your stress reaction go unchecked. In this sense stress, although inescapable, is manageable.
Myth #3: it is never a good idea to use drugs to deal with stress

Although it is never a good idea to misuse or abuse drugs, the above is not true. Getting high and getting drunk, making yourself comfortably numb -- these are not constructive ways of coping with stress. On the other hand, there are many people performing quite effectively in society who owe their ability to face life to prescribed medications.

The problem of drug abuse has preoccupied our society for decades. It's no wonder that many people distrust drugs. Because of this, they hold off seeking the support they might gain from prescribed medications. Extreme shyness, anxiety, depression, and other disorders due to chemical imbalances in the brain respond very well to drugs.

In fact, millions of people are able to function professionally and find fulfillment in their lives because they take prescription medication. While some people develop a dependency on prescription drugs, the majority of people on medication are not abusing the drugs they take. Don't rule out chemical intervention. It may be the responsible thing for you to do, even if only for a short period of time.

Facts

And now, some facts about stress.

Fact #1: work stress can affect your home life

This is very true. Wouldn't it be great if you could walk out of your office, get in your car, and drive home to your family and loved ones without carrying any baggage from your work day? It's the rare person who can leave the office behind. You may take home an empty briefcase on occasion, but your mind and your heart are full of the day's events. Memories of these events echo in your mind as you go back and forth between the domain of your work life to your personal life.

Stress contamination can work in the other direction as well. You can take the stress you have at home into your business life. Right before putting your child on the school bus, she throws a tantrum over her tennis shoes. Or someone pulls up next to your car and yells an obscenity or slur at you. These events can cause stressful feelings that linger with you through the workday. Keeping the stress from one domain of life from infiltrating another domain is a skill that we will discuss more fully later in the course.

Fact #2: stress can radically affect your behavior

This is also true. I teach a course on anger management for people charged with misdemeanor assault. I know from the stories I hear that the stress of anger can drive people to outrageous extremes of behavior. The story of one participant in that class stands out in my mind. He lost his temper with another player in a pool game. Eight different times he went to the cue stick rack, grabbed a cue stick and broke it over the head of the other person. Eight times! That's a lot of cue sticks.

It's a sad commentary on our times that workplace violence is becoming a regular occurrence. Violence has moved into our schools, as we all witnessed in the Columbine High School tragedy. These are examples of people driven to desperation by high levels of stress.
Intense stress can be directed to acts of heroism as well. You may have read of superhuman feats of strength performed by people in crisis situations. A mother was working in her kitchen when she heard the crash of her son's car slipping off the jack, pinning her son under the car. Remarkably, she was able to lift the back of the car high enough to allow her son to squirm out. She saved her son's life. More precisely, stress energized her to save her son's life.
Always keep in mind that stress is a powerful force that can be directed to acts of evil or great gestures of benevolence.

Fact #3: stress management is a learnable skill

No matter how much stress you are under today, no matter how long you have struggled with anger, depression, worry or other forms of stress, you can learn to take charge of your stress. Managing stress does not mean eliminating stress. Stress can be a good thing. It becomes a bad thing when you have too much of it, when it's too intense, or when it lasts too long.

Take home just the work, not the stress

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Beginning to manage your stress

The advice found in stress management books can generally be summarized into five basic categories. During this discussion, think about which technique or combination of techniques has the potential to manage your stress response the most effectively.

1. Get away
These methods of stress management involve removing yourself from the circumstances that are causing you stress. You can do this in a number of ways. You can leave the scene for a while (nap, take a walk, take a breather, take a day off) or end a relationship. You can even change jobs, schools, or where you live. The decision is entirely up to you.

2. Change how you relate to the stressor
If you can't get away from what's stressing you out, there is an array of things you can do to manipulate your initial response. Learn more effective behaviors through professional counseling. Become more assertive. Be more honest and candid, and learn to say no. Increase your understanding and empathy by being less critical of yourself and others. Change negative self-talk. Stop irrational patterns of thought like catastrophizing, jumping to conclusions, or thinking in black-and-white terms. Set realistic goals for yourself.

3. Change the stressor
This approach to dealing with stress amounts to approaching the problem by asking yourself, "Do I have any control over the situation?" If the answer is yes, do what you can to change the situation. It may be that what you thought was out of your control may not be. Or perhaps you can't change the entire situation but you can change some parts of it.

4. Accept the stressor
This is a powerful philosophical technique. Essentially it involves resigning yourself to the fact that some things cannot be changed. Life is not always fair. Even the difficult things in life have value as opportunities for developing a greater tolerance for frustration.

5. Work on building stress tolerance
The point of this fifth category of stress management is building up stress stamina. Such techniques are particularly useful when you're faced with a stressor that won't go away and that you can't change. Your goal is to build your emotional and physiological resilience. Here are some things that can help do that: Get enough sleep and exercise, set aside a time for daily relaxation, talk out your problems, develop tolerance and patience, maintain a strong support group of family and friends, and watch what you eat.

By stepping back and taking stock of all these techniques, you will likely realize that you are not alone in facing the stresses of life. Everyone deals with stressful situations in their own way, and only you can decide which method works best for you. Right now, I want you to make a pact with yourself to take charge of your life. And, in order to help you achieve that goal, I would like to introduce you to LifePACT, a method that has proven to reduce unhealthy levels of stress.

Finding the right combination
Now you know that there are five different ways individuals can respond to stress. Which technique or combination of techniques has proven to work best for you in the past? Which technique or techniques have led to more problems or confusion in your life? Why? Go to the Message Board and discuss your answers with your classmates.

Introducing LifePACT

The acronym PACT represents all you need to know and do in order to master the management of stress. The four principles in the LifePACT model encompass all the stress-management techniques listed above. In addition, the model presents these to you in a user-friendly way that makes understanding each principle much easier. It also narrows your choices so that you'll actually apply the principles to stress you encounter rather than just thinking about it. I will briefly introduce here each principle and then elaborate on them in the next four lessons.


1. The P stands for perspective
Perspective is the skill of managing your head. By mastering the habits of constructive thinking, you'll find that you can size up situations in a much more rational way. This principle will also allow you to determine, for each hassle you encounter, which technique or combination of techniques has the potential to manage your stress response the most effectively.

2. The A stands for autonomy
Autonomy is the skill of "managing your hands." To manage your hands is to be judicious in what habits you pick up, what responsibilities you take on, and what thoughts or emotions you hold on to. Most importantly, autonomy allows you to let go of whatever's bothering you.

3. The C stands for connectedness
Connectedness is the skill of managing your heart. We are all related. We have survived to this point in our evolutionary history primarily because we have banded together as individuals. To manage your heart is to manage your place in the community of fellow humans with whom you live out your life.

4. The T stands for tone Tone is the skill of managing body and spirit. To manage your body is to cultivate habits of care and attention to your physiological makeup. To manage your spirit is to nurture your soul.