Lesson 6: Tone: melding your body and spirit

Your body is your vehicle on your journey through life. And Tone is the LifePACT principle of taking care of this vehicle. By developing a proper tone, you'll find the key factors for dealing with the physical demands of managing stress.

Understanding your body's needs

We previously learned the importance of creating an external social network in which to promote our emotional stability and well being. But in order to alleviate the negative effects of stress more comprehensively, you'll also need to take into account the needs of your own body and its internal processes. When you live your life with the belief that your body will never break down, when day after day you neglect your needs for proper nutrition, rest, and exercise, it's only a matter of time before you collide with the iceberg of poor health, burnout, and even premature death.

Your body is your vehicle on your journey through life. And Tone is the LifePACT principle of taking care of this vehicle. By developing a proper tone, you'll find the key factors for dealing with the physical, and thus emotional, demands of managing stress.

The chemistry of stress

Stress is a physiological event. When you are confronted with a demand or change that requires you to cope, physical, chemical, and psychological changes occur. Adrenal and pituitary glands produce ACTH, cortisol, and cortisone. This shot of adrenaline stimulates your heart to pump blood faster and releases stress hormones, making you feel alert and ready for action.

Your arteries constrict and pressure causes blood to go to large muscle groups allowing you to move quickly. Your stomach shuts down and digestion slows. Your liver releases seven times the normal amount of fats, cholesterol, and blood sugars to give you a vast resource of energy that can be tapped upon demand. Your breathing becomes shallow, and your vision and hearing become more acute.

In other words, you are physically and psychologically wired for action! The more often you are stressed, the more frequently this elaborate life-preserving instinct is mobilized. While the principles of perspective, autonomy, and connectedness can bring you some relief, it is tone that goes right to the physical center of your stress.

Tune in to your body

You may be one of the many people who don't even realize that they are carrying a lot of tension in their body. To become more aware when tension is building up, check throughout the day for signals your body sends you. That throbbing headache is one sign. An embarrassing facial tic that starts up when you are in the middle of a conversation is another indicator. Neck aches, hives, clammy hands, and stomach pains all point toward tension buildup. Don't ignore other signs such as tapping your foot, drumming your fingers, or repeatedly jabbing the elevator button.

Let's take a look at some practical ways in which the principle of tone can help you manage both the emotional and physical aspects of stress.

Calming the body: progressive relaxation

Since you cannot be tense and relaxed at the same time, relaxing the muscles of your body is the most direct way of relieving stress. As you learn to relax, you will find that you will have more energy, you will be able to fall asleep more easily, and your sleep will be deeper and more restful. In addition, you'll have a general increase in your mental alertness.

Talking you through the steps

Here's how you can begin to just kick back and let everything go:
First you must schedule at least a half-hour (or even better, a whole hour) in which you can "disappear" each and every day. Then choose a quiet, darkened room where you will not be interrupted. Do not try too hard to relax; allow it to develop. Effort is the opposite of relaxation and relaxation cannot be forced.

You will find it very helpful either to have someone read you the following script or to record it, either in your voice or in the voice of your support person or other loved one:
Take a deep breath. Hold it. (Pause.) Feel it all the way down in your stomach when you exhale. Curl your toes. Hold it. Wait for some tension to develop. (Pause.) Let the tension go. (Pause.) Tighten your calf muscles. Hold it. (Pause.) Relax. Let the tension go. (Pause.) Relax. Tighten your muscles in your thighs and upper legs. (Pause.) Hold it. (Pause.) Relax. Let the tension go. (Pause.) Feel the tension drain out of your upper legs. (Pause.) Relax.
Now tighten your back muscles. Arch your back. Hold it. (Pause.) Relax. Let the tension go. (Pause.) Feel the tension drain out of your back. (Pause.) Relax. Tighten your abdominal muscles by slightly raising the head and slightly raising the feet. Hold it. (Pause.) Relax. Let the tension go. (Pause.) Feel the tension drain out of your abdomen. (Pause.) Relax. Take a deep breath. Hold it. (Pause.) Feel it all the way down in your stomach when you exhale.
Tighten the muscles in your hands. Make a fist with both hands. Hold it. (Pause.) Relax. Let the tension go. (Pause.) Feel the tension drain out of your hands. (Pause.) Relax. Tighten the muscles in your arms. Hold it. (Pause.) Relax. Let the tension go. Feel the tension drain out of your arms. (Pause.) Relax. Tighten the muscles in your shoulders. Hold it. (Pause.) Relax. Let the tension go. (Pause.) Feel the tension drain out of your shoulders. (Pause.) Relax.
Direct your attention to your neck. Raise your head slightly until some tension develops. Hold it. (Pause.) Relax. Let the tension go. (Pause.) Feel the tension drain out of the muscles in your neck. (Pause.) Relax.

Direct your attention to your face. Squint your eyes. Wrinkle your nose. Clench your teeth. Tighten your mouth. Raise your eyebrows. Hold it. (Pause.) Relax. Feel the tension drain out of your face, all the way from your forehead, out from your eyes, out from your nose, out from your cheeks, out from your mouth, out from your lips, out from your tongue, out from your jaw. Let all the tension go. (Pause.) Relax.

Take a deep breath. Exhale and allow the entire body to come to a state of comfortable relaxation. Let any remaining tension drain away. Then let it drain away even more. (Pause.) Feel your entire body relaxed and comfortable and at peace.

If you tighten up your body first, as you did in this exercise, it's easier to recognize relaxation when progressively tightening and then relaxing muscle groups. Your eventual goal, though, is to be able to relax without tightening your muscles first.
This technique can be tailored to a variety of situations and used throughout your day. You can, for example, learn to relax at your desk.

Relax at your desk

Once you are at the office, there are a number of things you can do to mitigate the negative effects of stress.

Wad up a piece of paper in each fist. Squeeze it as hard as you can before releasing.
Spread your fingers and lay them palm down on your desk. Tighten your shoulders and upper back muscles as you push down on the desk.

Bring to mind a serene scene of yourself at the beach or in your backyard hammock. Rest your chin upon your chest. While doing this, open your mouth so your lower jaw droops slightly. Hold this position for about 10 seconds. For obvious reasons, make sure you're alone before trying this.

Perhaps the easiest way to relax is to take three or four deep breaths. Hold each breath and exhale slowly as you say to yourself "Calm" or "Relax."
Make it a point to get up and walk around outside for even a few minutes after or during lunch. Not only will you burn off the calories you have consumed but you will also unwind from the tensions of the morning.

No matter how successful we are in reducing the physical aspects of stress, there will always be times where we feel burned out or run down. Let's see how we can recharge our batteries in order to face yet another day.

Relax in the car

Commuting is particularly stressful. Take advantage of red lights or slow progress by relaxing. Grip your steering wheel as tight as you can, hold that grip for a few seconds, before releasing it. Then grip the top of the steering wheel and pull your body forward. Keep your lower back and buttocks against the back of the seat. Music can be a great help. What type of music do you listen to while driving?

Recharging your batteries

Not only can you relax your body, but you also have the ability to recharge your run-down batteries, too. Here are some tips:

Proper rest

The most underrated epidemic in our society today is sleep deprivation. You're typical if you borrow from your sleep time when you need a few minutes at the end of the day to wrap up a project, finish the laundry, or make a run to the all-night grocery store. If you've ever wondered how important sleep is to you, just watch how you act the day after a sleepless night. Cheating your sleep is an open invitation for stress and all the things that come with it, so be sure to get your rest.

Sleeplessness is a different kind of a problem. Turn your insomnia into an opportunity. Rather than resenting the inability to fall asleep, keep handy a particularly interesting book or magazine and treat yourself to some special reading. Read until you feel drowsy, then allow yourself to drift away.

Exercise

You probably knew this one was coming. Nothing has been more consistently proven as beneficial for dealing with stress than regular exercise. Exercise will build your physical resilience, strengthen your immune system, keep down your weight, and improve your overall enjoyment of life.

You must find a form of exercise that is enjoyable and fairly accessible to you. For some this is walking; for others, it's cycling. Whatever it is, though, you are more likely to stick with it if it is something you enjoy -- something you do only for its own sake. Each of us has a favorite method of exercising. Which do you prefer?

Time alone

Time alone is a great way to recharge. It's a time to read and learn and think and rest. There are a variety of ways for doing this. A participant in one of my workshops reported that he regularly takes a day off from work to spend in his "boat bed." He explained that he would load his bed with videos, magazines, and music. He would take the phone off the hook and either cover or remove the clocks. He would spend the entire day in bed, pretending he was in a boat at sea, alternately reading, enjoying movies and music, or snoozing. He went back to work refreshed and with a new spirit of enthusiasm.

Some people set their alarms to get up one hour earlier in the morning. This gives them a block of time to be alone before the rest of the household is up. They watch the sunrise, read inspirational material, meditate, or just sit and enjoy the silence of a new day.

Cruise control

Regain your composure by taking the car out for a cruise. Drive through new neighborhoods or a park. Go out into the country, put some nice music on the radio, or just meander about town for a while. A good friend remembers the trips he took in his childhood with his father. His face was glued to the window watching the blur of scenery flying by. His father's mission was to just get to the destination. There was never any time to stop along the way to explore an interesting landmark or look around. If you are living your life with the pedal to the metal, take the time to slow down, look around, and smell the flowers along the way.

Moderate your drinking

Alcohol is a drug that, when used in moderation, has many benefits. For many people drinking and socializing go hand in hand. But as you know, alcohol can also be abused. Here are some ideas for using alcohol responsibly:

Start in neutral: Don't have a drink before heading off to a party or reception. That's a trap many couples fall into. While the woman is putting on last-minute make-up, the man mixes himself a drink. Not smart. You'll have plenty of time to drink once you're at the party.
Stop early: Probably the biggest mistake that social drinkers make is not knowing when to stop. You don't have to drink right up to the last call. Set an absolute cut-off time before you go to a party. Drink only nonalcoholic beverages after that.

Start late: The opposite tactic works just as well -- perhaps better. Come to the party late, and don't start drinking the minute you get there. You might want to establish a new routine for yourself by setting a time of day before which you will absolutely not have a drink.
Switch on and off: To dilute alcohol's affects, drink an eight-ounce glass of water before each drink.

Someone's watching you: A good way to keep yourself from having too much is to remind yourself constantly of your professional stature. While you may forget it momentarily at a party, others won't. Always maintain a professional decorum.

Set the tone: If you want to avoid a boozy meal, take the initiative when the waiter comes to the table. Order a Perrier or a wine spritzer. That way you may feel less conspicuous if everyone else has ordered liquor before it's your turn to order.

Keep it light and make it festive: In some cases, you may just feel like having something a little stronger than soda water. If so, be sensible about it. You don't have to order a drink that's going to knock your socks off. A light beer may be a better idea.

While we are on the subject of watching your drinking, caffeine's another drug you should moderate. If you get headaches when you miss your coffee, you are probably addicted. The caffeine in coffee, tea, colas, and chocolate is a strong stimulant that causes your body to be stressed.

Cut down gradually over a three-week period, perhaps eliminating one cup of coffee each day. Then see what you feel like without it for a while. Either moderate your caffeine consumption or eliminate caffeine altogether. You'll feel more relaxed, sleep better, feel less jittery throughout the day, and have more energy.

Laugh and play

Do you remember your favorite toy or the games you played as a child? Hide-and-seek was one of my favorites. I still play it with my children today. Watching children at play can teach you some things you may have forgotten. When my daughter is outside playing, she stops to examine whatever catches her eye. Children seem oblivious of time when active. They operate on what is called "event time." Things happen when they happen.

Laughter is one of the most effective ways to manage stress. Cultivate the habit of taking yourself less seriously and you will find you have less stress. There is scientific proof of the stress-reducing impact of laughter. Laughter can even help you boost your immune system. This, in turn, means that you will be less prone to colds and flu.

Moving forward

Bottling up your intense feelings leads to both emotional and physical pressure. And, whether you are aware of this pressure or not, it must be dealt with and dissipated. If you don't, you are setting yourself up to becoming a "time bomb," ready to go off at any second when another stressor, no matter how small, occurs.

Tone will help you take care of your body, which is the vehicle that takes you on your journey through life. The tips in this lesson were designed to help you develop a proper tone so you can overcome the tension in your body and achieve a state of physical relaxation and emotional ease. In the next lesson we will learn how to put the LifePACT model's principles of perspective, autonomy, connectedness and tone together to balance all of the personal and professional demands besetting you.

Mental grazing

Some people have improved their lives by replacing the traditional three large daily meals with several small ones. It's called grazing. Why not nurture your mental health the same way? Throughout the day, set aside some time to sit and be quiet for a few minutes. Don't wait until your body tells you that it's tense